“I have never spoken to the guy: he means nothing to me. But whenever I see him I just want to stare at him: I don’t want to speak to him: I don’t want to know him. It’s so weird” Rosa cried.

An easy explanation to this is to think there is something romantic going on which is being denied or repressed. In the sexualised culture of 2026 this is a must do short cut which is over simplistic and helps us to avoid the complexity and erotic nature of humans. Our first erotic experiences are with our parents around 3-5 yrs old. This is the basis of our romantic lives which we return to – to repeat.

The erotic has a quality of attraction/familairity that is arguably more powerful than the sexual because it validates our personal past which we are largely unaware of. Think of an internal 3D psychic relief map. Of valleys and hills, villages, churches, castles, roads, pathways. Then like Freud’s iceberg underneath is a history mass of the self buried deep in the archeology of the relief map. We look at the world trying to match this relief map.

At the time of seeing this guy Rosa’s father died. She learnt that whenever she sees him the guy holds something of the event of her Father’s death. The taboo of the parental link denies a surface sexual link. But a deeper symbolic connection to an earthquake psychic event of the death of her Father.

We were both tempted to explain it. Was he like her Father? Did he remind her of her Father?
Should she try to make a connection to him? Would she marry him?
To explore the archeology of our inner relief map – let the attention wander and rest. More knowing explanation denies a deeper sensibility of who we are – out of our own sight.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2026
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