A trainee therapist in a supervision group declared: ” my client Charli tells me how helpful her sessions are, and how safe she feels with me…..” Maybe

But these kind of comments merit scrutiny. The context of the work with Charli is one of control. She tries to control everything. Her sisters’ wedding, her parents home location, her own family therapy. The therapist’s challenges are rebuffed or ignored – particularly around the extent of her control.

The rest of the supervision group were amazed at the therapist’s lack of concern at Charli’s control as though she had given up & accepted the extent of the control was quite normal.

Like an undercover agent: the therapist soon finds out who the client wants them to be: and asks them to fit in and play the client’s game. For the therapist this creates a problem. Being intelligent, skilled with a lot of money, time & effort to learn how to be a therapist. They find the client’s request for them to be compliant, controlled, a dumbing down of their character an insult. Unnatural. Stressful. Annihilating.

Yet to be safe for clients the therapist has to become one of their inner world players. Charli’s family are played, manipulated, & controlled like they have no free will against her. Afraid of the exposing of family history they comply.So the therapist is also asked to comply.

We all, like clients will go to great lengths to make people safe. Charli was threatened by the therapist’s enquiries: so made the therapist give up on the questioning to accept her controlling status quo as normal. The therapist was neutralised – and complimented by being declared helpful & safe. The message was stay neutral, don’t ask, be controlled, stay safe.

This could look like a clinical mistake – not predicting that Charli wanted a safe person who asked no questions.
But actually: with the therapist not guessing what Charli wanted: convinces Charli even more. She has neutralised a threat, creating a safe person. Her control is more powerful than just allowing an already safe person in.

Like the undercover agent the therapist has to infiltrate the client’s inner world by taking on, and becoming one of the client’s inner world characters.
Not the Therapist’s Agenda

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