Therapy pays a lot of attention to endings. At ending we are an emphasised version of our emotional selves.
Endings show how we protect ourselves from the pain of ending. Where our culture pays little attention to endings.
An ideal ending is arranged 3-6 months before the end of a full term therapy. Like a light aeroplane taking off slowly on a very long runway. A full term therapy where feelings and relationships support narrative, and silence & stillness allow a space to reflect for something to emerge.
The knots are loosened not changed.
The ending is not a resolution, but a process of grieving an ending, reviewing the therapy relationship, and coming to a separation together.
Women are generally (generally…) are more suited to therapy endings. Nurtured in relationships there is more opportunity for creating a therapy relationship of curiousity & awareness. Vulnerability is more acceptable.
Men are more motivated by status, acheivement, action & outcome. Not relationships or endings. Mastery important: vulnerability less of an option.
Men can be vulnerable, women can be motivated by status.
Fellow professionals can also feed into this. In our monetised culture other therapists are willing to take clients on without letting the client end well with previous therapy relationships. And of course therapists have their own issues with endings.
Reasons for endings are many and varied. An intellectual ending is common:
Wanting to end throughout the therapy relationship (avoid intimacy)
See what it’s like to be alone (fear of dependence)
I’ve been in therapy long enough (no outcome)
I can’t afford it (expense/investment in self)
I could be in therapy for the rest of my life (trap)
Move to another therapist with no break (avoid loss)
Endings are natural but painful. A therapy ending is an opportunity to practice ending in awareness
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