To follow on … Private School Adults especially men can come with this presentation:

1. No choice in going to a school miles away from home as a boarder, or living locally as a day student. Family culture informs the choice without question while both parents and sons can be upset at the break in the relationship. The boarder takes on the education more deeply as he has no respite: so heavily repeats what is learnt & presents in adulthood.
2. A hothouse of wealth, priviledge, success, resources, confidence, excellence, opportunity to people, networks, organisations recognised through contacts and connections. This is all assumed and seen as normal.
3. Students immediately in all aspects of private school life streamed/graded into classes, teams, houses, years, genders, and ages (the year above the year below)
4. An emphasis on sport which highlights the above competitive system. Reslience, fortitude, winning mind set, tolerance of physical and mental pain. An expectation of excellence. Ability to focus, organise, and exploit strengths and weaknesses to achieve results.
5. The forming of a tough false front to bear the above environment to the point where the authentic genuine person is lost to a competitve intense mind set where winning is all.
6. To compensate for a lack of control: the exercion of control particularly around space and time: constant occupation/production is deemed normal. The amount of production is never enough.
7. Intimate relationships regarded as out of control, unreliable feeling so have to be defended against. Ambivalence, avoidance, and withdrawal used to defend against intimacy.
8. A smooth operator presentation which is slick and efficient. Polite, charming, effortless, attractive.

Many people can have these traits in alternative education: but nothing like private schools does it so systemically and with such similar imprinting.
To be continued ………….

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