Painful Manners are a part of UK life. Even in these times of indivualism and consumerism, not saying what you really feel or think is a necessary tool for living in the UK. The motives are well intentioned. Nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings. Politeness is key.
To other cultures this is confusing. Nobody really knows what’s going on. Guesses are made. Interpretations discussed. But the ‘the truth’ remains elusive, unknown.
To avoid causing pain, pain can be caused. The person is hurt but they don’t really know what is going on. Is their hurt justified? What did the person mean? Was something said under pressure which hasn’t been discussed? Did anger temporarily override politeness? Only for the veil of politeness to be quickly drawn again.
At other times in a culture of manners people can unwittingly say or do something setting off a trap or chain of events unintended. While being in the world of the unknown the uninitiated bump into stuff. As a kid in the culture of manners the cue to be silent, not to speak is casually ingrained. Outsiders complain that it can never be learnt.
Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2020
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique