Usually we thnk of a lifespan in a linear way – a straight line birth to death.
But another way of looking at it – is that it’s circular.   

The first half of a life – childhood, then teens, 20s 30s upto the 40s are setting up of a life: the second half of a life is trying to work out what the setup was.
So 0-40yrs then back down 39yrs 38yrs 37yrs …… 3yrs 2yrs 1yr to death.

The individuation stage in the 20s appears to be more prolonged in 2025. Previous generations were forced out of the home due to top down parenting where kids were not close to their parents. Along with the expectation that an individual life could be made easier with access to stable work and cheaper housing.

Add to this that there is a period of energy between 20-45yrs where we can hold off our real selves for the purpose of socialisation – to then return to our true selves formed in childhood. Less energy, less defenses – more our true selves pokes out!

This might explain why older people focus on nostalgia. The revisiting of a life: resisting change and wanting the world to remain the same. Picked up by populists for their own ends.

The notion of the self is useful for the art of theorising – but could be argued that the/a self doesn’t exist. We are beings going through experiences of the day. It is all old and new. Ultimately death is a new experience: so the concept of a self is in constant flux – with recognisable bits – but in a state of ongoing adaption.

We are humans in thrall to our early origins. We live them out, and then repeat them.
We start in a cradle and if lucky end in a cradle. Examined or Unexamined.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
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