Sarah arrived 15 minutes late.
She announced: ” I wanted to come on time but I just couldn’t” Silence ……

She continued “Whatever we talk about here I go over it in my head. I critique what I said and wonder what you    meant?” I ask for an example. “Well when you said I came across as hypervigilant, and asked me to reflect on the possible threat? I felt like I did something wrong”

Sarah complained of a constant deep loneliness while having supportive colleagues, friends, and family – but unable to fully relax with them. She described constantly scanning: picking up subtle nuances: predicting conversations to stay ahead of pain. Unable to be safe and fully present.

It is common to have two hypervigilant people in the therapy room therapist & client. The profession calls it tuning in, having empathy, unconditional positive regard, sitting with the client – while noticing the subtleities and nuances trying to hear through what is said to what might be meant.
This tuning in comes from a natural self protection formed in early life trying to survive the emotional danger of an unpredictable environment. Hopefully the therapist is aware of their own hypervigilance – while the clients’ perogative is that their own hypervigilance might be more hidden.

It is logical particularly in the beginning for clients to feel unsafe with a professional stranger who is trying to be curious, tune in with them. Curiousity is seen as a threat to their survival so the defenses harden. Talking about how this occurs in the therapy room loosens the defense knot. Noticing how the client responds to what the therapist says creates an outline of the clinical relationship: illuminating how the client has had to survive in early childhood repeating in adult life.

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