Actress Sofia Helin playas Saga Norén, the lead homicide detective in the TV series the Bridge.
The twist in her character is that she has Asperger’s though this is never stated. A brilliant mind with sharp deducting skills she makes a brilliant cop. Yet she has no idea how to relate to people. She speaks her opinion without censorship. This hurts other people. They are not used to the raw data coming out of her mouth. There is something attractive in Saga’s naïve honesty. She is not malicious. There is a just a bit missing in her head that takes into account politeness, social etiquette and other peoples’ feelings.
Perhaps we all wish to be like this. Yet probably we are more interested in not being hurt ourselves.
In a rare moment of the tables turned: a junior colleague insults Saga making the assumption that she will not be hurt. She explains to her cop partner that people always think that she cannot be hurt but it is not true. A clever plot point of the main character who causes people hurt every time she opens her mouth, is not immune to being hurt herself.
What is it about hurt? Why do we not want to cause each other hurt? What is the guilt about when we hurt others? We are programmed not to cause hurt.
The perhaps we are missing something. We would all agree that physical hurt is very helpful to us. It protects us from our own stupidity and carelessness. It helps us stay alive and injury free. It protects from harm. More importantly it is a good teaching tool. We learn that some people or situations cause us physical pain so that we can avoid them in the future.
Yet it would seem we cannot transfer this idea to psychological hurt.
Hurt is a good learning tool. We hurt in love, bereavement and loss. We hurt when an important person in our lives thinks we are someone we are not.
Even more so psychological hurt can teach us about ourselves. How we are under stress learnt a long time ago before we were conscious. Learn who we are? How we love?
Is it good for us? Do we keep repeating the same patterns with the same kind of person? If you are open person why do you cause yourself pain by choosing the other who is closed?
You learnt this a long time ago. But now can you do something about it?
Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2014
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Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique.