4. Restorative Niche

Restorative Niches are places where extroverts and introverts alike can take stock and recover from stressful siutations. Like chairing a meeting, or running a workshop, or just being with people! This restorative niche could be a place, desk space, or a walk.

Stereotypically extroverts like an audience and take energy from being the centre of attention. Introverts seek small quieter venues with deeper conversation with fewer friends. 

We are brought up to believe that we are social animals. True. But the modern world translates this into going to parties with big groups of friends. Social translates into Extrovert. Friends and family worry about shy kids growing up. Afraid they will not mature and make the best of their lives. They worry about their child not wanting to go to school, or coming home early from a party. 

Research shows that creating a satisfying life is through passions and hobbies. Not distracted by peer pressure or people pleasing, introverts have the opportunity to focus and become more skilled in their passions. This application and success creates self esteem and confidence.

What repeatedly happens is that we are valued for attributes that we don’t have. In other words family and friends wish we were different. Talk more/less. Be more friendly/less friendly. Communicate/more less. Have more/less friends. Be this/ be that.

This not accepting people is universal. The human is unable to do anything else. Again the human brain is limited. Hard wired to relate to the same or similar. It is a survival strategy. It doesn’t do difference. Being the same/similar and surrounding yourself with the same/similar is safe. Comfortable. Survivable.

Modern life is asking us more and more to be with difference. But we have a brain which wants to stay with the same. Is this stress? Is that what the introvert cannot deal with? Nor the extrovert who skates over, not making deep connections.
Humans’ default is not to do difference. Perhaps if we accept this in ourselves and others: counter intuitvely difference will become more possible?

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique

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