22. Disappointment

Disappointment is a common emotion when people let us down. Family and friends are supposed to alleviate our suffering. Before we know what our suffering is. As children our parents have to guess our likes and dislikes without us being able to communicate in words what they are.

Parents become so practiced at this, that we think they know us so well that we don’t have to explain to them what we want. Part of the fall from grace of parents is when children become adults and realise that they are not as unknown as thier parents are.

In Psychonanalysis as in any relationship when someone is disappointed in us, we immediately want to relieve their disappointment in us. We try and behave, do better, but the disappointment is sown. To sit with the disappointment of the other is hard work.
If we manage this it becomes more about the thwarted expectations of the other person. These expectations are motivated by values and thoughts planted in us early in our lives. We inherent them with little choice or influence. The adult life is to sort and muse on what we were given without our permission or reason.
The luck or unluck of the draw.

 

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2019
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