A dying mother leaves Death Wishes for her young children. The wishes include learning a musical instrument and going to a rugby match. The poignancy of this article is that her sons are young and have little experience of life. Their whole life is ahead of them, and they have many experiences yet to come. To be without a mother particularly emphasised over being without a Father is seen as cruel and unjust. These Death Wishes will be carried out by the Father over the young lives of his sons. This will ensure that their sons will be reminded of their mother throughout their growing up.
For the Father this might become problematic. He might have the opportunity for a new relationship in which the new partner will have to carry out these wishes as well. Taking on a step family is a daunting task a best of times.But what of adults who lose their parent at an older age? The reminder that parents are not around at significant events, birthdays, graduations, and grand-childrens’ weddings is painful.
The fact that they would have to be older 60,70,80,90yrs old? still puts the scenario in the realm of possibility which heightens the regret and sense of loss.
The fact that some parents have to witness their childrens’ death is a tragedy and a hard loss to bear.
Perhaps we lack imagination around dying and death as it is too painful and imagining too far removed from the grieving process. But … to imagine that we would want our parents around when we were dying at first sounds ridiculous. The maths contradicts the possibility. Dying at 80yrs old would mean our parents would have to be 95yrs at best: 105yrs old or as an older parent 125yrs old!!
But why not have the feeling? Your parent at your death bed showing their care, concern and love could be a comfort.
Death Wishes from the dying parent do not have to be about young children tragically losing their parents. Adults of any age can wish (whether the parent is dead or alive) to have that unique caring presence that only a loving parent can give.
Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2013
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Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique.