With the culture of patriarchy as a counterpoint – men as discussed here before do not have an emotional fluency to keep them afloat. The frameworks of male friendship rest in accompanying, physical connection, turning up, heirarchical humour, putting down, love/affection through pretend dislike.
Scaffold Men
The idea of male vulnerability in male friendship groups is met with avoidance and silence.
With the petulant teenager/macho man holding on – to the nice weak man – a third way is demanded.
But how? Somehow men have to allow the men around them to be a ittle more vulnerable. The shame of male vulnerability is allowed upto a point by women: but not with men.
The idea of men brought up with sisters by women is seen to be a way forward. But men need to be calling out men – around for example – behaviour towards women by other men. For women to call out men hits a different place than a man called out by a man. Men call out/humiliate from physical strength or power other men as an authoritarian action is what men are used to. Men calling out men to provoke a conversation about feelings vulnerabilities, to in appropraite actions is rare.
In the therapy room it takes a while for men to not want to ask questions about questions. Eg -how are you? Reply- you mean now or which part etc …. then to – you said (about me) then to – we said (about me) then to – I said about me – then to I feel ……
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