7.It’s my right I’m not waiting for a vaccine

The UK. Home of the queue. Wait in line. Wait your turn. Know your place. Know your station. We used to look in disdain at other countries where money and rudeness rule. Perhaps this national characteristic should be rewritten?
Though the UK still does physical queuing pretty well. Long lines of people on the street outside post offices socially distanced waiting patiently with their parcels.
But the vaccine queue is different. You can book online, following certain criteria. Are you an essential worker? BACP/ UKCP? Does your bubble include a vulnerable at risk 80 year old with a condition?
The sharp elbow practice, the jumping the queue part is done remotely. Online. On your own. No other people waiting already frustrated at the wait. Ready to turn you back to your place. In shame.

The vaccine queue is like social media: you are disguised. Unknown. Unseen. Just click the tick box. And you’re in. Any trouble physically waiting in the vaccine queue? Probably not. With the life and death save of the vaccine. Nobody is going to question you in the vaccine queue.

Young and alone? Wanting to see your friends? Middle aged and single unable to sit with yourself at home. Not socialising is unbearable. Maybe you feel that your mental health is overwhelming you. Your four walls moving in on you.

The increasing wealth gap changes cultures. A few super wealthy with the rest having to fight for less resources. Rights and Entitlement become ways of cornering resources. No wonder they are more talked about.
What is your right? Are you entitled?

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

6. The Duchess, The Princess, & The Queen of Pop

The Duchess, The Princess, and the Queen of Pop.
Meghan, Latifa, and Britney. Young women in stressful places, scrutinised by the media, and struggling against men. Meghan – her Father, Latifa – her Father, Britney – her Father.

Meghan’s Father keeps releasing his negative views to the press about his daughter. Latifa’s Father Dubai’s ruler Sheikh Al Maktoum is reported to have imprisoned her. Britney’s Father has managed her finances since 2008 due to her mental health.

Fathers and Daughters. Daughters and Fathers. Would this work in the same way with Sons? Success, and wealth sits easier on men. Somehow it is still in 2021 more acceptable for men to have power. However nasty they are with it. It is considered male.

As for women they cannot be seen as successful without taking on male traits. If you are a woman with power you have to be seen as a man. On top of this women are described as manipulative, bossy, hysterical when they have power.

The unconscious default is for men to have power not women. If women were accepted to have power how would men be men? Men have to differentiate from women. The little boy has to break from the mother, to associate with the Father. You might argue that single parent families and the fluidity of gender change this old fashioned perspective. Yet the repeat – the repetition compulsion still denies the acceptance of women having power.

Some men proclaim a disbelief in Patriarchy. A system of men having power over women. So bendy and subtle but pervasive. Patriarchy is everywhere so becomes and unnoticeable and at times encouraged by women approving of male power against other women.

These men dominated or frightened by early experiences with their mothers lead lives in a double bind. Somewhere they know that the power is with them. But deep early experiences with mothers scar them for life with a fear of women.

The mother doesn’t have to be violent or neglectful. Just frightened by the loss of a previous child, or a traumatic labour. The male infant is in a merged state with the mother. So the mother’s fear passes on. The male infant begins life merged to fear. So merged that the male infant cannot escape that fear for the rest of his life. To become a son fearful of women, but with the support of a system of men and power against women.
An opportunity for blame and revenge?

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

5. Are You Tired of America?

America Land of Free. Also the land of Trumpism, Police killing Black men on the street, and big weather. The divisiveness of Democrats v Republicans. The simplicity of vision rendering the complexity of politics to the gun.
Where anything can be bought and sold. The birthplace of The American Dream, Neo liberalism, and Social Media.

UK Island of History and Fair Play. Also the island of Borisism, & Brexit. Teenagers knifing each other on the street, and small weather. The divisiveness of Tories and Labour. Two tier education creating a rigid class system. Conservative with a small c. The birthplace of Empire, the Stiff Upper Lip, Manners and the Internet.

Both countries on the wane of power and influence. With half their populations yearning for the return of Dreams and Empire. With no contemplation that all is in flux. Wax and wane.

Like the powerful charismatic student in class. Good to be around and protected by. But they expect you to fit in with their way of thinking & seeing the world. Brash, loud not caring who overhears. The class leader wants to dominate. Manipulate. Shout down. With disagreement stunned into a lack of comprehension. Hands in the air. Then separation & rejection.

When America coughs. The UK sneezes. What starts there ends here. With little or no resistance. Yet we are different personalities. Americans and English. Maybe we are both schizoid. Split with two parts unable to come together. But should we hang out? Like attracts like. But is it healthy for schizoid socialise with schizoid?

Looking West to America ignoring the Eastern gaze to Europe. Complacent undynamic Europe slow on the uptake out on a long lunch. Beautiful cultured but resistant to the work culture of Globalisation. Still thinking under the trauma of occupation. Hanging onto a homogenious past under threat from world migration, threatened by the dollar.

So we look West to our US cousins. Centre of the cultural power of language and communication dominated by Social Media. On websites and blogs freely identifiable talking about depression, divorce, bereavement, dating experience, drug habits, loneliness and relationships. Lives open to the social media world but able to connect on a deeper level?

So when you want to social media and offload your world view. Please move along. We don’t wish to be cruel or unkind. We feel your distress and pain. We are sad on your behalf.

But please leave us to sit in our smelly pubs, drinking warm beer – soaking up the fish & chips. Nodding but not wanting to converse with anyone. If we learn to trust you we can talk about ourselves – but can it just be between us? Thank you.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

4. Find a Restorative Niche now!

Restorative Niches are places where extroverts and introverts alike can take stock and recover from stressful siutations. Like chairing a meeting, or running a workshop, or just being with people! This restorative niche could be a place, desk space, or a walk.

Stereotypically extroverts like an audience and take energy from being the centre of attention. Introverts seek small quieter venues with deeper conversation with fewer friends. 

We are brought up to believe that we are social animals. True. But the modern world translates this into going to parties with big groups of friends. Social translates into Extrovert. Friends and family worry about shy kids growing up. Afraid they will not mature and make the best of their lives. They worry about their child not wanting to go to school, or coming home early from a party. 

Research shows that creating a satisfying life is through passions and hobbies. Not distracted by peer pressure or people pleasing, introverts have the opportunity to focus and become more skilled in their passions. This application and success creates self esteem and confidence.

What repeatedly happens is that we are valued for attributes that we don’t have. In other words family and friends wish we were different. Talk more/less. Be more friendly/less friendly. Communicate/more less. Have more/less friends. Be this/ be that.

This not accepting people is universal. The human is unable to do anything else. Again the human brain is limited. Hard wired to relate to the same or similar. It is a survival strategy. It doesn’t do difference. Being the same/similar and surrounding yourself with the same/similar is safe. Comfortable. Survivable.

Modern life is asking us more and more to be with difference. But we have a brain which wants to stay with the same. Is this stress? Is that what the introvert cannot deal with? Nor the extrovert who skates over, not making deep connections.
Humans’ default is not to do difference. Perhaps if we accept this in ourselves and others: counter intuitvely difference will become more possible?

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

3. On Global Sick Leave

Forced to stay at home. Not quite sick enough that you cannot do anything. But restricted in your movements. Lockdown. The world is on Global Sick Leave.
You could argue about the population of the world catching covid. But it takes little imagination to link the abuse of our planet to Covid. Nature is encroached upon and overloaded. With Us. Humans.

As with sick leave we all need to feel safe and heal at home. We also need money to be able to survive and to support us through sick leave.
Any intelligent company or institution factors in work force holidays, illness, bereavement, and bad weather.

Not so GDP. It is calculated relentlessly. No time off. No down time. To keep us cowed and frightened. We must get back to work! To catch up. To return to normal.

As a nation of small shop keepers obsessed with cost rather than value. We want to keep the shop open all hours. Make as much as possible. Neurotic about profit and loss. Not living. This is a modern malaise. Anyone remember early Thursday closing for the afternoon? Shops closed Sundays.

So we are giving the planet a break. Downtime. Rest. The planet has given us Covid so that we have to stay home. Not travel in cars and planes.

An infectious disease, a Chinese strategy?
Or the planet telling us we need to change our relationship.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique

Forced to stay at home. Not quite sick enough that you cannot do anything. But restricted in your movements. Lockdown. The world is on Global Sick Leave.
You could argue about the population of the world catching covid. But it takes little imagination to link the abuse of our planet to Covid. Nature is encroached upon and overloaded. With Us. Humans.

As with sick leave we all need to feel safe and heal at home. We also need money to be able to survive and to support us through sick leave.
Any intelligent company or institution factors in work force holidays, illness, bereavement, and bad weather.

Not so GDP. It is calculated relentlessly. No time off. No down time. To keep us cowed and frightened. We must get back to work! To catch up. To return to normal.

As a nation of small shop keepers obsessed with cost rather than value. We want to keep the shop open all hours. Make as much as possible. Neurotic about profit and loss. Not living. This is a modern malaise. Anyone remember early Thursday closing for the afternoon? Shops closed Sundays.

So we are giving the planet a break. Downtime. Rest. The planet has given us Covid so that we have to stay home. Not travel in cars and planes.

An infectious disease, a Chinese strategy?
Or the planet telling us we need to change our relationship.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critiqueAdd block



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

2. US Death Row Little Girl

Does a tortured abused child exonerate an adult murderer? Brought up in a constant state of fear and terror. Abused sexually, emotionally & physically. Raped by parents’ friends and workmen who could not be paid for house repairs. Unprotected at the mercy of adult cruelty and violence.
The abused part of the psyche to survive splits off. It cannot be integrated into the everyday person. But it is still in there. Building and building. Until at the point of release it expels all the anger and hatred. Into a murderous act.

We all work like this. Hopefully less so. Yet enough in an ordinary life to self sabotage & damage/hurt and reject others around us. A stereotype which holds some weight is that men aggress outwardly. Women inwardly. Pressure builds over years of abuse: with no social allowance to release the pressure.

This was the life of Lisa Montgomery the first woman to be executed in the US for 70 years. The crimes of women unsettle populations more than the crimes of men. Men are expected to be the violent physically powerful ones. Women are the carers and nurturers.

This unconscious view of the sexes is deeply innate within us all. At a primitive level it is how we survive. Men hunt, women look after children by the fire. The breaking of this subliminal value is taboo. Little humanity is shown to women in everyday patriarchy. Women who maim and murder even less.
This was Lisa’s life. No mercy.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged , , | Leave a comment
Gallery

1. What about Horrible 2020?

This gallery contains 1 photos.

What about Horrible 2020?If you have witnessed death, ongoing illness, or lost your employment. A traumatic year.Or perhaps you have to work in the HNS/ Care industry at high risk of infection. Or the entertainment/travel sectors where audiences and tourists … Continue reading

0 Shares
Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

43. Urban Loneliness

Without the din and chaos of city life creates a more appropriate backdrop to urban loneliness.
Loneliness is a constant ache of wanting a connection with others. Solitude is a more peaceful inert state. The emptiness of lockdown cities illustrates the evidence of community without people.

Melanie Klein described loneliness as a human attempt to reach an unattainable state of comfort and wholeness. Internal parts of us that we cannot reach are projected onto others. So the task becomes to connect to others to heal, rather than looking inside ourselves. 

On its own this theory diminshes our own humanity of wanting a connection to others. To be fair Klein was referring to depressed and anxious patients. But the point is that if we are more aligned with ourselves others would feel more like aligning to us.

Depending on how it is used the City confirms this. Looking for an external distraction in a busy city is a perfect foil for keeping our demons at bay. But never actually succeeding.
This struggle is human life. 

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2020
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique

Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

42. Wounded Healer

The Wounded Healer is a Jungian archetype

The central idea is that the therapist is not a sorted person. They are a wounded person. There is no goal to the work of a the wounded healer. But an ongoing awareness of the relationship to the healer’s own wounds which allows them to join the client’s world through the client’s own wounds.

Trainee therapists often think that their own wounds should be avoided or expunged so that they can work more effectively with thier clients. Counter intuitively it is the opposite. Actually acknowledging your own wounds gives us the capacity to be humble and appreciate the cleint’s difficulty and pain.

To be human is to be limited by our own wounds. Limitations are the beauty of life.
Take two cars. One car with less power you can drive to the maximum with a lot more fun. Another car so overpowered that you can only use half its power otherwise you would go off the road. 

Perhaps wounded would be a better description. In the word healer there is authority and expectations. Unhelpful in trying to join with the client on their journey. 

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2020
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique

Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

41. Calm Technology

Calm Technology is technology that you do not notice. A addition to human life which you only notice when it’s not there. The most obvious example is the iphone. No manual. The genius of its invention was its focus on the user experience. Sounds obvious but science is traditionally focused on the task not the user. Perhaps we could see the UK infrastructure as calm technology: like electricity and water.

Video conferencing is not a calm technology. Sitting in front of the screen with other users staring at you. Divorced from their reality and they from yours. It lacks a spontaniety of incidental conversations and corridor chat. Users not able to zone out or look away from the group without appearing to be not concentrating or bored.

Video conferencing doesn’t encourage human entanglements. Entanglements that can create despair, happiness, anxiety and influence. The technology has a way to go to create a seamless reality which we will not notice. It’s called technology when you have to read the manual. The IT crowd call it RTFM (read the f**king manual).
Perhaps the IT wizards might have the goal to make RTFM redundant. 

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2020
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argment and critique

Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment