Adrian Scott Counsellor Supervisor MBACP Accred

Celine started the session
“I was very irritated yesterday at work. I spent a lot of time on a piece of work which my boss wanted really quickly. It needed a lot of work on the database which doesn’t work very well. It is unreliable and clunky. It’s very old and has too much information on it and it really ought to be replaced. I don’t understand why they don’t replace it. If it was a question of money – they would save a lot more time and money if they invested in a new database. I worked two evenings and over the weekend and when I sent it to him, he said that it really wasn’t needed anymore and that they’ve moved on from that position – though it would be useful perhaps for a platform for other work. I spoke to my colleague and we had a real good rant about him and about how awful he was – that he didn’t really know what to he was doing and kept giving me pieces of work which I spent a lot of time on which he wanted really quickly and then he was surprised when he gave her back the work because it wasn’t what he wanted and the strategy had moved on.”

Me “As we have mentioned before this appears to be an intellectual narrative reporting of a feeling. If I said don’t use your intellect how would it be?”
She look panicked “I’m at a loss to know what to say”
Commentary – In that moment Celine had dropped into her body to her fear and panic
I replied ” I feel your feelings of panic in my body from your body”
“Yes…” she replied ” he really is so incompetent and not much of a boss”
Commentary – Celine rushed back to the intellectual narrative frightened by her body response of fear and panic
“So you’ve just demonstrated our struggle together to drop into the body feeling, to notice the power of the automatic response to rush back to the safety of the intellectual”
“Yes I understand that and can see how I do it”  …………

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

We are coming into the festival of meet ups, parties, get togethers, filling people with joy and dread. Is it going to be boring or interesting? Perhaps a better question might be am I going to be boring or interesting?

The idea here would be around openess. Your conversation is predicated by the other’s openess and experience of the self. If we or the other are closed, the conversation can be boring, lacking depth.
If both are open there is a potential for connection and depth.

The same in therapy. The client at first presents a closed black and white version of themselves. Having a free space with them as the focus, sparks fear and threat. They tighten to close. Slowly they learn to release adding colour to their lives putting feelings (the body) to their presentation (the intellect)

It’s a long hard journey as openess and colour are resisted by protection mechanisms aiming to shut down and keep the psyche safe. Creating a colourful version of ourselves is painful, but allows us a more three dimensional life of feeling & depth.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Usually we thnk of a lifespan in a linear way – a straight line birth to death.
But another way of looking at it – is that it’s circular.   

The first half of a life – childhood, then teens, 20s 30s upto the 40s are setting up of a life: the second half of a life is trying to work out what the setup was.
So 0-40yrs then back down 39yrs 38yrs 37yrs …… 3yrs 2yrs 1yr to death.

The individuation stage in the 20s appears to be more prolonged in 2025. Previous generations were forced out of the home due to top down parenting where kids were not close to their parents. Along with the expectation that an individual life could be made easier with access to stable work and cheaper housing.

Add to this that there is a period of energy between 20-45yrs where we can hold off our real selves for the purpose of socialisation – to then return to our true selves formed in childhood. Less energy, less defenses – more our true selves pokes out!

This might explain why older people focus on nostalgia. The revisiting of a life: resisting change and wanting the world to remain the same. Picked up by populists for their own ends.

The notion of the self is useful for the art of theorising – but could be argued that the/a self doesn’t exist. We are beings going through experiences of the day. It is all old and new. Ultimately death is a new experience: so the concept of a self is in constant flux – with recognisable bits – but in a state of ongoing adaption.

We are humans in thrall to our early origins. We live them out, and then repeat them.
We start in a cradle and if lucky end in a cradle. Examined or Unexamined.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Van Gogh a famous replacement child acted out is life through replacement rather than art. His painting was a medium he used to struggle to find an identity that was him not another.

Not only was he a replacement child he was named after the dead child who he replaced. He spent a life looking for a mother to look after him as he was never mothered as himself. Imagine when you are looked at by another – they do not look into your eyes – but slightly off to the side – as the mother’s gaze is still fixed on the dead child he was replacing.

The impact for the replacement child is devestating. Even pre-birth in the womb they absorb the mother’s distress of the death of her child. And the fear that the replacement child might not survive like the previous child.

Andre Green called the grief the mother suffered as ‘white grief‘ where the inner loss turns the relationship to the new baby as physically present but emotionally absent. Creating a lifelong craving for a mother figure that was never there. Depending on your point of view – this is a treatable trauma or a permanent characteristic.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Lots of ways to reflect on this post as a metaphor 
The wound marks that you come back from the front are visible to witness. The area where the wounds cannot be seen means a fatal injury & no return from the front. We plaster over the visible wounds, while the really open wounds are left unprotected.

The conscious wounds that we can see and feel we try to ignore but acknowledge as traits, weaknesses or vulnerabilities. The unseen unconscious wounds are the ones that have most impact because they are unknown so allowed to gather force.

One example of this is to keep busy. Life is orientated around busyness. We consume, exercise, buy, to create a diversion to our invisible wounds. Ambition, development, drive, progress, growth are essential measures in a digital market economy.
But now we are in the post digital economy: lets see how far more effective this is in soothing our wounds.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

A colleague was telling me how she liked this psychoanalyst author’s articles and books             There is something neat and packaged about his case studies. The person being analysed seems disguised but real. The problem disguised but real. There is no solution – but miraculously the analysis is so effective, has a huge impact on people’s lives.
They get better. Prosper. Find relief.

In a way it’s marketing. A brief episode in the analysis. An illumination in the analysis. Everyone is fascinated by how people ‘tick’ because we are desperate to discover how we tick. The case studies mimic the groups of people the Guardian reader might frequent or aspire to. The politics of priviledge and the expense of psychoanalysis unmentioned.

What is noticeable is that thinking or reflection comes from priviledge. The education of the mind to conceptualise, symbolise, and critique is learnt through the opportunity of education. Sometimes it is an innate natural gift. But a demand or love of learning/reading runs through people who seek psychoananlysis. It is a rarified profession.

But even psychoanalysis cannot escape reality. Lest we forget: the person’s time and energy of the tedious hours, weeks, years of the repetition compulsion to defend against better mental health. We have come to a time where marketing is greater than the marketed. An inevitable distortion occurs.
We live in a painful time of demanding no pain.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

One of the trainee counsellors told the supervision group about their client who she didn’t know how to work with. She didn’t know what to do. On reflection she said it felt like the client had had Enough.

So what is Enough? Despair? Hopelessness? Helplessness? All of these?

It is a natural inclination is to be human to talk the person out of Enough. To tell them much they are loved, how much they mean to the world. Yet in reality this isn’t what the person wants to hear. Enough is a human state where if you believe in the autonomy of the individual they have free will. This terrifies us.

In avoidance we tell each other and ourselves that the avoided is not tolerable. If we cannot listen, hear, be with, bear the Enough we are sending a strong message. We cannot cope with it so why should the other! In our lives we are generally surrounded by people who we perceive cannot tolerate our Enough. So we isolate. Shut down. Retreat. Withdraw. Until we feel there is nothing or nobody left.

To have another bear our Enough is a rare experience. Loved ones are too invested in us: their potential loss & pain too great. Find someone to bear the Enough so by example we can bear our own Enough

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

This clip speaks for itself
As a reminder – that times pass into old times: as today will         

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique