9. Oxfam Abuse

Oxfam abuse is in the news about its workers using vulnerable women in vulnerable parts of the world for sex. Apparently this is new news. Working abroad in challenging conditions trying to help a desperate local population attracts a certain kind of man. There is no infrastructure to enforce law and order. Rules are made up, to suit the situation allowing opportunity to be taken advantage of.

As ever the majority is tainted by the few. But the few are confident, charasmatic, entitled and priviledged. The education of the priviledged is in private schools where a sense of entitlement and getting what you want at any cost is subtly and not so subtly nurtured. This expectation with the networks to support this expectation creates rulers and managers with power.

The mix is the same. Men with Power, & Vulnerable Women with no power. What happened in Haiti was clear cut where the abuse of power was obvious. The charities allegedly tried to cover it up.
Men in power covering for men with power?

But abuse of power nearer home is a complex and tricky. The legalisation of prostitution is a popular liberal idea of the moment. But is all prostitution abuse? It seems that abuse has to be taken on a case by case basis. Does consent make the relationship non abusive? Even then is it up to the individuals’ judgement of morals and values as to what is abuse or abusive?
Oxfam Abuse 

 

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

8. Stalingrad 75th

The Battle of Stalingrad was a turning point in the Second World War. It was considered one of the greatest battles of the entire war. It halted the German advance into Russia and turned the tide of the war in favour of the Allies.

The City of Stalingrad was a centre for the production or arms and vehicles. Capture of the city would cut transport links to the South of Russia. It would protect the northern flank of the German Army so they could press on into the oil fields of the Caucasus.

The City was attacked by 330,000 German troops. The Red Army put a resitsance inflicting casualties on the German Army. The Luftwaffe bombed the city with incendiary bombs destroying the wooden housing. Like modern warfare the city was fought by block by block, street by street, and building by building. 

The Russian counter offensive took the already dispirited and exhausted German Army by surprise. In a pincer movement through the more vulnerable under supplied flanks of the army manned by Romanian, Hungarian and Italian troops. The Volga River had frozen over which the Russians used to resupply their troops.The Russians forced the German army against Hitler’s orders to surrender. 

250,000 bodies were recovered in and around Stalingrad. Over a million Red Army soldiers dead, wounded or missing, with 40,000 Stalingrad civilians dead. The cost of war?
In 1945 Stalingrad was named a Hero City of the Soviet Union for its defense of the motherland.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique


Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

7. Rolling Stone

Dennis Edwards who was a former lead singer of the Motown group the Temptations died last Thursday. One of his most famous hits was “Papa was a Rolling Stone” The song was part of the group’s legacy in writing more political songs rather than the usual love songs.

He replaced David Ruffin with more grittier urgent soul voice better suited to the political agenda of the new songs.

The song is a lament from a son about his errant Father. The son keeps asking and asking to be told the truth about his Father, with the only retort being “Papa was a Rolling Stone” 

Dennis Edwards, singer and musician, born 3 February 1943; died 1 February 2018

Lyrics 

It was the third of September
That day I’ll always remember, yes I will
‘Cause that was the day that my daddy died
I never got a chance to see him
Never heard nothin’ but bad things about him
Momma I’m depending on you to tell me the truth
Momma just hung her head and said, son

Papa was a rolling stone
Wherever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died, all he left us was alone
Papa was a rolling stone (my son, yeah)
Wherever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died, all he left us was alone

Hey Momma!
Is it true what they say that Papa never worked a day in his life
And Momma, some bad talk goin’ round town sayin’ that
Papa had three outside children
And another wife, and that ain’t right
Heard some talk Papa doing some storefront preachin’
Talking about saving souls and all the time leechin’
Dealing in dirt, and stealing in the name of the Lord
Momma just hung her head and said

Papa was a rolling stone (my son)
Wherever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died, all he left us was alone
Hey Papa was a rolling stone (dad gumma it)
Where ever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died, all he left us was alone

Hey Momma
I heard Papa called himself a jack-of-all-trades
Tell me is that what sent Papa to an early grave
Folks say Papa would beg, borrow, steal
To pay his bills
Hey Momma
Folks say Papa never was much on thinking
Spent most of his time chasing women and drinking
Momma I’m depending on you to tell me the truth
Momma looked up with a tear in her eye and said, son

Papa was a rolling stone (well, well, well, well)
Wherever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died, all he left us was alone (lone, lone, lone, alone)
Papa was a rolling stone
Wherever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died, all he left us was alone

(I said) Papa was a rolling stone (yes he was, my son)
Wherever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died, all he left us was alone
My daddy was
Papa was a rolling stone (yes he was, yeah)
Wherever he laid his hat was his home)

 

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

 



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

6. Hostess Grope

So the President’s Club has closed after reports of hostesses being groped, and propositioned by rich powerful businessmen. This was revealed by two undercover reporters from the Financial Times.
In the post Weinstein era more and more industries are coming out & recognising men abuse women physically, sexually and financially.
Hostess Grope

In this era of patriarchy where men use power to subjugate women, it is difficult to look at mens’ sexuality in an undistorted way. It seems that a large majority of hetrosexual men’s desire, want, or instinct is to try and have sex with as many women as they can. Men use status, money and power to attempt to do this.
Is this selfishness, greed, or an inbuilt imprint to procreate?

At this time the predominant norm is that hetrosexual men and women have couple relationships which children can be born into to create family units. There are issues of fidelity and trust which both sides subscribe to excluding anyone else from the partnership. Monogamy. There are many cultural norms to support monogamy, so it remains undisputed socially. But more critically it is an internal value deeply stamped into our psyche.

So on the one hand this male behaviour is selfish and greedy. Men should be able to control their urges. Society expects men to behave to the norms of Monogamy.

On the other hand Monogamy doesn’t appear to contain male behaviour. Mens’ behaviour must be repressed. Mens’ clubs exist where women are made available to men. The use of prostitutes and the sex industry is rife, and the rise(?) of human trafficking of women and men increases.

But even to start to have debates around the topic of male & female sexuality seems threatening and to undermine the basic building block of society: the family. Perhaps we could start to admit however civilised and technologically advanced we are: we still have very primitive brains, which determine primitive behaviour.
Hostess Grope

 

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

 



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

5. FOMO

FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out is the anxiety of being left out from what other people are doing through social media. People write about the highlights of their lives on media platforms making their lives look continuously special. This creates anxiety and anger in the spectator who feels their life is boring, and they are missing out.

Though FOMO is exasperated by social media it has always been so.
Throughout time.

To survive we have to know what is going on around us. In a tribe this could mean the difference between life and death. The feeling of anxiety and fear is a signal that we need to pay more attention to out external world and the people in it. To feel that we are not part of what is going triggers a primitive part of the brain into fight or flight mode.

How ever modern the medium: we are still humans interacting with the medium. Our brains are slow to adapt to the modern world. In fact they are designed for a life no longer lived. Technology keeps pushing ahead while our brains stay fixed in the natural animal world.  

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

 

 



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

4. Peter Wyngarde 1927-2018

Peter Wyngarde‘s birthdate, and place of birth were disputed.
His Father was part of the British Diplomatic Core.

He was an actor who played up the camp side of maleness in the 1970s to such a degree that most others would have failed. He carried am ambiguity of maleness with such flair that he was believable.

By 1971 it was reported that “more babies [had been] christened Jason during the last 12 months than ever before”.

His most famous role was the sleuth Jason King. The charcater’s most famous quote was: “A bit too early for coffee … I think I’ll have Scotch.” Apparently he claimed to be bisexual attracting men and women alike.
He was the inspiration for Austin Powers Man of Mystery.

What a life.
Peter Wyngarde 1927-2018

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peter Wyngarde‘s birthdate, and place of birth were disputed.
His Father was part of the British Diplomatic Core.

He was an actor who played up the camp side of maleness in the 1970s to such a degree that most others would have failed. He carried am ambiguity of maleness with such flair that he was believable.

By 1971 it was reported that “more babies [had been] christened Jason during the last 12 months than ever before”.

His most famous role was the sleuth Jason King. The charcater’s most famous quote was: “A bit too early for coffee … I think I’ll have Scotch.” Apparently he claimed to be bisexual attracting men and women alike.
He was the inspiration for Austin Powers Man of Mystery.

What a life.
Peter Wyngarde 1927-2018

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

 



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

3. Amatonormative

Amatonormative is defined by author Elizabeth Blake as “the assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types.”

To think differently is unimaginable. Our DNA at this time is soaked in the sense, language, and feeling that exclusive couple relationships are the norm for humans to function properly. As ever it is difficult to untangle what is authentic and what is manipulated.

On the one hand monogamy is the natural state of human relationships. We thrive in exclusivity. Intimacy can be created in the singleness of one other. This intimacy can only be formed through exclusivity and trust that monogamy brings. Jealousy and insecurity are natural feelings that keep monogamy in place. Children and chattels are clear about who and where they belong. This is the natural human order which successful wealthy societies are built on.

On the other our culture enables us to be insecure and paranoid about who is going to look after our children if something happens. Because there is no collective community support that will do this for parents. To be alone is to be isolated so we cannot be left. Neo-liberalism particularly splits us into smaller and smaller groups who have to survive the threat of poverty, through redundancy, and ill health. We are all under the threat of the gutter, so have to work hard to stay out of it.

The ideal singularity of Romance is the bedrock of this monogamy. This is particularly aimed at women in a patriarchal system. Women are taught to have a natural desire for monogomy. This keeps her and her sexuality in place. In control. In system.

To tolerate what is not monogamous is to tolerate social anxiety about who is having sex with who. It is not the sex that is important here but what it signifies. Romance is the glue of our culture, the idea of parenting and family. Notice how many politicians talk about family as the building block to normal culture. Anything outside monogamy is seen as focused on sex. So it is degraded.
Take your pick: but don’t think you can choose.
Amatonormative

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique
Amatonormative

 

 

 

 

 



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

2. Iuliana Tudos

Iuliana Tudos was walking through Finsbury park to meet her friends in Enfield.
She was stabbed and her body left in a disused building in the park. She was killed on Christmas Eve and only discovered 3 days later. She was 22yrs old.

Her friends retraced her steps, they must have known her habits well, and found her body in the park. Iuliana was of Russian and Greek origin, and began working as a barmaid in a pub in Camden. Her body was discovered close to where she lived.

Anyone with information is asked to call the dedicated incident room on 020 8785 8244, tweet MetCC or contact Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555111.

To donate to Iuliana’s fund click here!


Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

1. Fck Feelings

Fck Feelings is a self help book with the view that life is hard, and negative feelings are part of life. 
Just accept what you cannot control. If your wishes are impossible and are never going to happen then stop wishing them.

Talking endlessly about a relationship that is never going to be any good is a waste of time.This is a book written by a Father and daughter who encourage you to stay grounded in common sense. Life is hard and the trick is not to take it personally. It’s hard for everyone not just you. It seems that successful people are honest and brutally realistic about their expectations. If you constantly dream about what is beyond your expectations then they are unlikely to be realised.

Does this mean that Americans in therapy are being conned into talking about themselves in terms of the impossible?Was Prince Charles correct bemoaning the fact that kids in the UK are taught that they can do anything they only have to wish it? And then from this have to go into therapy because they have not acheived their goals?The 21st Century view of success is now so distorted into instant dream to reality scenarios. Is it being internalised by the younger generations. Success can mean anything you want it to mean? Does this exclude dreaming about the future?

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2018
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment

52. Paul Williams

Paul Williams died on the streets of Birmingham, UK.
He was homeless.
Homelessness is often the expression of trauma and unresolved grief acted out in a destructive way. 
Paul’s parents divorced when he was in his early teens. A vulnerable age for a boy coming to be a man: to have his home environment split into pieces. Supported and loved by family who could not keep supporting a life style spinning out of control.
When the source of love and succour betrays with a fracture in the parental relationship, the love becomes love and pain at the same time. Ambivalence sets in.

Paul managed to get off the drink, worked but again returned to excessive drinking.
Though Paul would do “anything for anyone,” the one person he seemed unable to help was himself. The trauma was unresolved for Paul. With no way, or opportunity to work with the trauma its grip maintained a control of extreme pain numbing and sabotage.
Returning to the streets is an environment which is so brutal that it has to be extreme numbed against. Extreme numbing without recognising that it is the extreme feelings that have to be numbed, not the environment. Living in a building affords comfort and a private space where thinking cannot not be held back. So best to return to the streets where the extreme numbing can resume.

There are services for homeless people to access in Birmingham. The problem is that accessing them requires a level of readiness and awareness that cannot be created.
Our thoughts are with Paul’s family at this traumatic time.
Paul Williams

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2017
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

 



Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Leave a comment